Where no one knows me
by The Heavens' Answer
Summary: First non Terra bashing fic. It is a songfic, but if you people hate it so badly, flame. Flames are welcome. Any comment is welcome. Everyone has their story, this is Terra's. 1st Pers. POV.


**Where no one knows me**

_**My name is Terra.**_

_**I have done horrible things.**_

_**I have sworn to serve a dark master.**_

_**I have committed crimes under his name.**_

_**I have betrayed all those who were my friends.**_

_**One by one… I have destroyed the teen titans.**_

_**And with no one to stop me, I have brought and entire city to its knees.**_

I don't remember where I started out from. I just knew that it was a small town, in the middle of nowhere. It was nice there, I was happy. While it lasted. Then _it _happened.

Screams.

Dust.

Coughs.

Choking.

Crying.

Dying.

I ran.

I had to run.

What was I supposed to do? I don't even understand how it happened. One second everything was fine. Then the next…

I had to run.

I had to.

_Got my suitcase_

_Got my dog_

_I'm packing up my life so far_

_Got my pictures_

_Got some cash_

_I'm getting out of here at last_

And that's the one thing I've been doing since that day.

Running.

Always running.

Don't ask me from what. I can't tell you. It's… it's painful.

I try to help people, I'm not evil. I'm not evil. I never tried to kill anyone. I try to help. But every single time I try to help, something goes wrong.

I passed, from town to town, but never staying for long. I couldn't.

I never really made any real friends. They were just people I knew by face and rumors of their reputation and persona. More like acquaintances more than anything really.

Faces, so many of them. Accusing. It's not my fault though. It's not my fault.

So I ran.

Ran.

And ran.

To get away from the nightmare that keeps repeating and repeating.

Helpless. I'm just helpless. It happened over, and over again. And I can't do anything to stop it.

So I run. I chase after the future, hoping it'll be different, but it's always the same.

So I always run. I never stop.

_Got my hands on the wheel_

_Got my foot on the pedal_

_Gonna drive 'til I drop_

_'Til the tires turn to metal_

_Gonna sleep when I'm dead_

_Gonna laugh like the devil_

_Gonna find some place where no one knows me_

I didn't have a home, nor a family. No friends either. Just me, myself and I. My walkman, my bag, a set of clothes and my hairpin.

People discriminate others if they are different.

Even if they really didn't do anything.

I learned that the hard way.

I was always alone.

I always felt like no one understood me.

I was always confused.

Misunderstood.

I dealt with those things. I had too.

It was going to be like that my whole life anyways.

I mean, it's always like that.

I run all the time after the future, hoping the past would leave. Hoping that someone would understand me, hoping that someone would… but it's pointless. It just keeps going round and round in a never ending circle of… of …

I'm always going to run.

Always going to run from my past. From my problems.

I just am.

Then I heard about these Teen Titans. A group of super heroes/heroines my age. Trying to make the world a better place. A safer place.

I yearned to join their ranks, but knew that they'd never accept me deep down. It was like… my new dream. As if, if I did, all my problems will go away because I'm actually really helping people.

Over time I heard of their victories and their short lived-defeats.

More and more.

I knew the group must be close friends.

Even though maybe they were shunned before, they now had each other.

I'd never have that.

Then, when I was running through this deserted place, with no idea where I was for the panic and fear drove every thought out of my mind to escape.

_Gonna stop when the last drop of gas turns to vapor_

_Gonna ride 'til I can't even seem to remember_

_Who I was when I left and it don't even matter_

_Gonna find some place where no one knows me_

Then I met them. Face to face.

Raven.

Cyborg.

Starfire.

Robin.

Beastboy.

And then, imagine how happy I was when they offered me to stay with them. To stay with _them! _I was ecstatic.

Not to mention I really liked Beastboy…

Finally a decent place to crash, after all that running. I even thought that maybe I'd be able to stay there and be a part of the team and stop running. Just like in my dreams.

Then I heard Robin say… say that he wanted to see what I could do. They saw me take down the giant scorpion thing. They saw…

It was then I knew that it'd never come true. My dream. Dreams are dreams they aren't reality. I was foolish.

So I tried to run.

Again.

It's what I do best, running.

Away, or towards something.

As long as I can run.

But they wouldn't let me.

They were so kind, so… hopeful.

So I did … I …

Then I told Beastboy my secret. My deep, dark secret that no one knew but all suspected.

" _Terra, it's alright. You can't totally control you're powers. It's okay."_

" _Promise me you won't tell! Promise!"_

Then he did. Least… I thought he did.

I jumped to conclusions too quickly…

And I ran.

And then I ran into even more problems than I ever imagined would happen.

Slade.

He said he would help me.

_" You are like a rock…rough around the edges… come with me Terra…_"

The rock crumbles in his hand.

A diamond gleams from within.

_" Come with me Terra… I will teach you… **to shine**."_

In return I had to obey him. Become his apprentice. Swear an oath that would bind me to his side forever.

I was trapped. The titans told me he was a horrid villain. But he helped me. He taught me. He guided me through the dark I tried so hard to get away from on my own. He taught me to embrace it…. to love it… to become one with it. He showed me it wasn't a curse. It was a gift. A gift I could use to do great things.

Then I went back, I still can't get over how the joy in Beastboy's eyes gleamed like a bright fire, glittering with hope that I would stay with them for good.

I thought I'd be able to connect with Raven most, I thought she'd be the one who would understand me on a deeper level than anyone else, but she didn't trust me. If anything, she hated me, for reasons unknown.

I helped save their home in a clever ploy to make them trust me and let me join their team and steal all their secrets for Slade. I had my doubts all along that it wouldn't work, but it did.

Raven trusted me from then on. A good thing too, she was the only one who would be the most likely to foil my …his plans.

_Feel the sun burn on my skin_

_I feel the wind whip through my grin_

_Tore the rear view mirror down_

_I wrapped it in my wedding gown_

I had my doubts about betraying the Titans. After all, who in their right mind wouldn't? They reached out, gave me a home, became my friends, my family almost. And… yet… I still chose to turn to Slade.

I suppose I came to regard Slade as almost a father like figure for me. One who had control, who would lead me, guide me, tell me what to do. One who'd light the way when in need. I needed him. He needed me.

However, as I became ever closer to Beastboy and fit in even more with the Titans, when I started to regard them as really true friends, I regretted my decision more and more. How could I do such a thing? How could I betray them to their greatest enemy? How could I?

I'm not evil. I never tried to kill anyone.

Then the day I was planning to betray them. I gave Slade the encryption code to break into the tower with two hundred armed robots.

But I couldn't leave them. I couldn't leave Beastboy to be slaughtered.

So I took him out.

_Got my hands on the wheel_

_Got my foot on the pedal_

_Gonna drive 'til I drop_

_'Til the tires turn to metal_

_Gonna sleep when I'm dead_

_Gonna laugh like the devil_

_Gonna find some place where no one knows me_

He was so content just to be with me, it made me feel even worse. As we rode in the Ferris wheel box… I asked him if he'd still be my friend even if I did something truly horrible. He said he would. He promised me.

And then we almost…

But Slade came.

He told Beastboy about the relationship between him and I. That I was his apprentice. That his… my… our friends were fighting for their very lives at this moment because of me. Because I betrayed them.

I betrayed them

_" Slade's right… You don't have any friends."_

I was betrayed.

I supposed that… that made the guilt go away when I had to destroy them. Because… they weren't my friends anymore. He said so himself.

I even _enjoyed _seeing their desperation, their confusion, their pain as I annihilated each one of them.

Now they know how it feels to be betrayed.

How it feels to be alone, confused, fighting for their lives because they tried to help someone.

Their screams were… haunting, to say the least. I could feel the satisfaction seep through me as I defeated every single of them.

Starfire.

Cyborg.

Beastboy.

_"Hey Beastboy, miss me?"_

_" I hope you're not expecting a goodbye kiss." _

_" Terra, you can't."_

_" Watch me."_

Raven.

_" Terra."_

_" Raven."_

_" Traitor."_

_" Witch."_

_" I never trusted you. You may have fooled the others, but I always knew you were a liar."_

_" Oh really? Is that why you let me sleep in your home, and eat your food and steal all your secrets?… Come on, Raven, what stings the most? That I betrayed you? That I nearly wiped out your team? Or is it that deep down inside, you **really **thought I was your friend?"_

_" Shut up! Just shut up!… I trusted you! We trusted you! We gave you a home, and your treat us like dirt!…" _

Robin.

_" Feeling lonely now that I exterminated your little team?"_

_" Look at yourself, Terra! Is this really who you want to be?"_

_" I'm just never going to be good enough for you, am I?"_

_" What did we do to make you hate us so much?"_

_" You were born."_

_" I don't need you to save me."_

_" I can't save you, you can only save yourself."_

_" I don't need saving!"_

_" I'm not some sad little girl waiting to be saved, I wanted to be this way, I wanted to work for Slade, I wanted to destroy you and your friends."_

_" …and now, I never want to see your face again."_

_**My name is Terra.**_

_**I have done horrible things.**_

_**And I have absolutely no regrets.**_

Then they came back. That was the last straw. They were merciless. I ran into Slade's arms only to find he was even more pitiless.

I wanted to run again.

To run away from another mess that I had created.

But this time, I couldn't.

He controlled my powers, the suit integrated into my nervous system. I had no control over my body. He controlled it for me.

With it he almost made me kill, really kill Beastboy, this time.

_" Don't do it Terra, you can still turn back."_

_" Don't do it, don't do it."_

_" It'll be the last thing you ever do."_

_" Terra! Please do not!"_

_" We are still willing to be your friends…"_

_" You can still come back to us…"_

_" Terra, it's your life. Your choice. It's never too late to turn back."_

_" I'm sorry Beastboy… for everything I've done."_

I don't know what happened, I guess… I decided to do the right thing for once. Even though it meant biting the hand that fed me. Which I did before.

And I single-handedly brought down Slade.

I was lying when I said I had no regrets.

Their screams kept me awake at night.

Their pleas forever haunting my mind.

I guess my whole life was a mistake. Least, whatever I did in it was. I betrayed my only true friends to their worst enemy, even though they were everything I had. Then I betrayed him, who taught me so much about myself.

If I just didn't run… none of this would of happened. I wouldn't have to have betrayed anyone. I wouldn't have betrayed the Titans for Slade… and then Slade for the Titans.

But I guess, that's how it was played out. I can't change the past, like Raven says. No one can. Not matter how much we dislike it.

So that's how it was played out.

But if I just didn't run…

But that's not possible.

Because that's the only thing I'm good at.

And even that wasn't right.

Running away left the problems behind. But I just ran into more.

I guess it's just the only thing I can do.

_Gonna stop when the last drop of gas turns to vapor_

_Gonna ride 'til I can't even seem to remember_

_Who I was when I left and it don't even matter_

_Gonna find some place where no one knows me..._


End file.
